thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Randomize
