Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
