Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
