I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
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My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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