Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
