whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize