If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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