youre lurking in front of me
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
