If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
