so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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