i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
