so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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