Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
