Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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