she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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