You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
