Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
