even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Randomize
