I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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