Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
