Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
