What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
