Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
