I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
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