i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I could make wine with my vomit
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He passed out mid-signature
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Text me some of your sweat
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
