I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
