we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
