He kissed a someone with a penis
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize