the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
