My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
false alarm, still single
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
