So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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