It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Randomize
