I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
