I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
