but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
