i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
