He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
