You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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