You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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