I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
