I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
