I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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