So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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