I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
