This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
