he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
