She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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