Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
