after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
