I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
