I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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