Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize