cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
