I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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