She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
