Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
