im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
