In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
