I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
