I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
