What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
