Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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