I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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