Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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