There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
