I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
