How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
