Texts From Last Night

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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.

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  (816): I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery. http://tfl.nu/2bt2
  Replies (1) Good night (1038) Bad night (526)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.

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  (724): This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text. http://tfl.nu/bfqf
  Replies (15) Good night (2451) Bad night (1210)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.

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  (303): dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party. http://tfl.nu/thh9
  Replies (9) Good night (2332) Bad night (755)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.

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  (253): he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not. http://tfl.nu/7v4r
  Replies (14) Good night (1550) Bad night (3844)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?

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  (770): If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way? http://tfl.nu/2yix
  Replies (7) Good night (4192) Bad night (1635)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant

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  (724): Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant http://tfl.nu/8r36
  Replies (3) Good night (3537) Bad night (761)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'

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  (954): They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home' http://tfl.nu/2uct
  Replies (4) Good night (2194) Bad night (726)
• Favorite

  (276): View more from Virginia

  Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.

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  (276): Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco. http://tfl.nu/65bb
  Replies (3) Good night (671) Bad night (1536)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.

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  (608): I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos. http://tfl.nu/skqb
  Replies (1) Good night (1374) Bad night (540)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".

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  (+44): Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis". http://tfl.nu/tct7
  Replies (7) Good night (1620) Bad night (484)
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  (845): View more from New York

  "Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.

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  (845): "Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life. http://tfl.nu/f41e
  Replies (3) Good night (581) Bad night (1074)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.

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  (972): Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday. http://tfl.nu/3qlk
  Replies (4) Good night (1530) Bad night (543)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits

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  (216): Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits http://tfl.nu/2zgj
  Replies (4) Good night (1043) Bad night (327)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?

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  (+61): So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma? http://tfl.nu/bhgl
  Replies (3) Good night (390) Bad night (623)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!

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  (905): Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good! http://tfl.nu/hwch
  Replies (1) Good night (920) Bad night (437)

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