Texts From Last Night

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  (586): View more from Michigan

  I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up

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  (586): I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up http://tfl.nu/t16c
  Replies (6) Good night (811) Bad night (751)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?

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  (612): Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka? http://tfl.nu/htpr
  Replies (24) Good night (4446) Bad night (1493)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love

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  (203): i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love http://tfl.nu/fb9k
  Replies (4) Good night (3338) Bad night (645)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."

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  (301): I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free." http://tfl.nu/6sne
  Replies (15) Good night (871) Bad night (4682)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave

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  (630): all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave http://tfl.nu/0ff9
  Replies (10) Good night (2867) Bad night (943)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!

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  (319): She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?! http://tfl.nu/73w6
  Replies (5) Good night (1214) Bad night (3049)
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me

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  (347): They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me http://tfl.nu/nbj5
  Replies (4) Good night (1352) Bad night (617)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.

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  (336): I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale. http://tfl.nu/9c1d
  Replies (19) Good night (4216) Bad night (854)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago

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  (817): i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago http://tfl.nu/3uom
  Replies (7) Good night (608) Bad night (1221)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit

  (216): View more from Ohio

  There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.

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  (216): I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit (216): There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash. http://tfl.nu/emo5
  Replies (6) Good night (3300) Bad night (635)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.

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  (614): stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude. http://tfl.nu/1ko8
  Replies (17) Good night (1827) Bad night (701)
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  (805): View more from California

  i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party

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  (805): i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party http://tfl.nu/d8gr
  Replies (4) Good night (1902) Bad night (471)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER

  (1-610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm officially in the Christmas spirit

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  (610): THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER (1-610): I'm officially in the Christmas spirit http://tfl.nu/grxs
  Replies (5) Good night (1004) Bad night (376)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...

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  (919): I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going... http://tfl.nu/t999
  Replies (7) Good night (312) Bad night (1067)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"

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  (630): There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!" http://tfl.nu/d703
  Replies (2) Good night (1030) Bad night (266)

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