Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first