i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
