ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
