I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
