Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize