brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize