i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
