Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
