you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
