How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
