You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize