can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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