i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
