i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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